On a nice spring day in the Garden of Eden, after breakfast, Adam took a nap—as it was his custom following every meal (obviously!). The music began (Adam’s snore), and kept increasing in volume till it had reached a crescendo; which drove Eve away, the farthest she could get, whilst pulling her hair out!
Sitting by the side of the Tigris, the serpent approached Eve and said to her: “Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?” (Gen. 3:1 KJV)
Eve replied: “We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden:
But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die.’” (Gen. 3:2, 3 KJV)
“Ye shall not surely die,” the serpent responded (Gen. 3:4 KJV). “ For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened [my formatting],” (Gen. 3:5 KJV).
Eve had a mild curiosity as to how her eyes would be opened. She was hesitant and ashamed, at first, to inquire; because, as a woman, she’s supposed to know it all. But her curiosity became so overwhelming that she soon rejoined: “How so?”
So the serpent took Eve on a journey through time, and showed her all the things she could have, if she could only get that dull and unadorned specimen, Adam, to eat the forbidden fruit.
The serpent showed her all the Guccis and Chanels, the Diors and Pradas, and Tiffanys and Chopards, she could wear; the variety of hair and makeup styles, manicure and pedicure, skincare and massages, in short, how she could get herself well-pampered; alongside the fine Chardonnays and Swiss chocolate, she could treat her palate to. All was at her fingertips, if only she would make Adam eat the damn fruit.
Upon snapping back to her present, Eve’s short-lived euphoric experience immediately vanished.
The serpent went his way, and Eve walked back in shudders to Adam; who was still fallen in deep slumber, unsurprisingly!
On the route, she thought to herself: “Ughh, Adam! Why do you have to be this base and unrefined? Obnoxious too! But no! I can’t do this to him. He is still MY pathetic and loathsome specimen, no less. I won’t… I shouldn’t!”
She was still few miles out, when she heard the most screeching, yet unpleasantly familiar, sound—which was Adam’s snore, no doubt. It was far worse at her return, than it was when she left earlier; it had elevated to a new climax.
As she got closer, and laid her eyes upon that wretched being—all the while his screeching noise was violating her innocent ears—seeds of doubt entered her mind, and she began to reconsider her erstwhile decision.
Nevertheless, she ferociously persisted in her resistance to partake in the serpent’s ploy.
Few hours had passed, and Adam was still asleep. In the most miraculous manner, around lunchtime, no wonder, Adam woke up all of a sudden. He yawned and stretched like a bear after reviving from its hibernation.
At that point, to his grave misfortune, Adam’s body was still regaining its coordination; consequently, it failed to perceive the steam that was coming out of Eve’s ears, and the smoke rising up from her head.
Thereupon, he opened his stupid mouth and uttered the words that would condemn him and all his posterity to death for eternity. He looked at his beloved Eve and said: “Honey, what’s for lunch?”
That settled the matter for Eve, in a single swing. She was magically cured of her resistance and remorse, in an instant. She smirked at Adam and said in her mind: “Oh baby, YOU’RE GOING DOWN!”
The End.
Reference
“Bible Gateway Passage: Genesis 3 – King James Version.” Bible Gateway, www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis+3&version=KJV. Accessed 6 July 2022.
